Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
