Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
