If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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