All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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