I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
