are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
