It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
