There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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