Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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