I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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