I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
