I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
last night I used snow as a chaser
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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