Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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