I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
50% drunk capacity currently
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
