There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
