I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
