who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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