just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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