i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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