I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
