as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
