she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
