11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
