i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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