I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
