my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
