My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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