Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
