Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
