she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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