so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
