using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
