Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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