Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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