I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
wow bdsm is so cute
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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