Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
