I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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