He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
