dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
