loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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