so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
