when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
