If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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