I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
