so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
