every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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