whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
