I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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