My brain says no but my pants say off.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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