Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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