Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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