Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
