the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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